I sit down and forget every word. Just needed to write something down, to remember I exist. to make myself real again. Back to life I strive to be.

the balcony door still open from a cigarette I tell myself never touched my lips. still I feel the wrinckles carving their way around my eyes, reaching my pupils and making them wider.

I see people walking down the stairs on the other side of the housing estate. a backpack on a boy and a scarf arround a girls neck. they never reach the door, and I wonder if there's a doorway on the other side of their staircase, or if they never meant to step outside tonight.

a cool breeze catches the ashes from my cigarrette and chills my bones down to the very core, making my skin a whiter shade of pale. and I look at the stale streetlight, that casts a shadow shaped as an X on the grass underneath the building. I'ts light fading with time and thought.

the Tv speaks to me from inside my empty apartment. the room I once had in the house I once lived in, is now just another thing I've left behind. a couple of pages down my list. And though the house always seemed gray to me, It's now a darker shade. a mixture between warm and cold. but never hot, and never freezing.
I was as lonely there, as I am here.

the rain smattering on my windowsill all night, took a part of me and flushed it down the drain. Fall is biting me in the rear, threatening to catch up with me if I don't shape up.
and I know I won't. Fall and winter always has me tied up before I get the chance to even start running.

but It's okey. catch me cold, keep me captive in your darkness.
only in depression I find my home. a place of comfort and recognition. where I get in touch with my real self, and see the truth more clearly.
from here I can work with progress. I can grow into something more.

surfaces subside and my inside takes place again.
creative and rebourn.

I'm this far